Be Yourself: Why Self-Esteem Begins When You Stop Trying to Impress Everyone

There comes a point in life when you begin to understand something that sounds very simple but can take years to truly accept:

You do not have to impress everyone.

You don't have to dress a certain way because someone else does. You don't have to buy an expensive lunch because your coworkers are doing it. You don't need the newest phone, the fanciest car, the biggest house or a particular cup of coffee in your hand to prove that you have succeeded.

You don't even have to be the best person in the room.

You simply have to become comfortable being yourself.

That is where I believe healthy self-esteem begins.

Self-esteem is essentially the opinion we carry about ourselves. That opinion follows us everywhere. We take it to work. We take it into relationships. We take it on vacation. We carry it into a room full of strangers. We take it onto a hiking trail when nobody else is around.

And sometimes the person judging us most harshly isn't anyone around us.

It is us.

The Person in the Mirror Knows Everything

You can create an image for almost anyone.

You can dress differently. You can buy things. You can change the way you speak. Social media has made it even easier to create a version of ourselves that we want other people to see.

But there is one person you can never fool.

The person looking back at you in the mirror.

You know what you are afraid of. You know what makes you uncomfortable. You know your accomplishments and your failures. You know when you're pretending.

That's why improving self-esteem isn't really about convincing other people that you're good enough.

It is about convincing yourself that you don't need their approval in the first place.

We Are All Different — And That's the Point

One of the easiest ways to damage your confidence is comparison.

You look at someone and think:

Joe can do that much better than I can.

Or:

Laura is so talented. I could never do what she does.

Maybe that's true.

Joe might actually be better than you at something. Laura might genuinely have a talent you don't have.

So what?

There are things you can do that Joe cannot do. There are qualities Laura might admire in you.

We tend to compare another person's strongest qualities with the things we feel least confident about in ourselves. That isn't a fair comparison.

I saw this frequently in the workplace.

Someone might look at a manager and think that person's title somehow makes them more important. I never looked at it that way. A manager has a particular responsibility. They may be very good at managing people, organizing work or making decisions.

That doesn't make them a better human being.

At work, I respected the position, the policies and the responsibilities that came with it. But I didn't believe someone's job title determined their worth as a person.

Everyone brings something different to the table.

Not everyone wants to be a doctor.

Not everyone wants to be a teacher.

Not everyone wants to manage people.

Some people are excellent with their hands. Some can solve technical problems. Some communicate beautifully. Some organize. Some create. Some teach. Some listen. Some lead quietly without ever having a leadership title.

Your job isn't to become everybody else.

Your job is to discover what you do well and develop it.