“Self‑esteem isn’t about being loud or perfect. It’s about understanding yourself, respecting your boundaries, and growing from your experiences.”
As you grow older, you become more comfortable being yourself. Experience changes the way you see things and the way you respond to situations. You stop looking down on anyone, and you realize it’s perfectly healthy to admire and learn from others.
My book: Daily Disciplines dives deeper into building confidence through simple habits.
How do you feel about yourself? Do you feel small or do you feel enough? The truth is, nobody is thinking about you the way you think they are. So be yourself and be honest. There’s no need to pretend, because only you know what you’re feeling in that moment. People can’t tell whether you’re confident or unsure — they don’t see that inner world. And that’s why it’s completely okay to show up as your real self
If you’re new at a job and a colleague invites you to lunch, just be yourself. Order what you would normally order. There’s no need to choose something expensive or act differently just to impress anyone. And if your colleague is trying to impress you, that’s fine — you don’t have to match that energy. When people see that you’re genuine, grounded, and comfortable with your own choices, they recognize your self‑worth and self‑esteem. Most of the time, they’ll adjust to your authenticity.
Self‑esteem shows up most clearly when you’re around people you don’t know. When you step into a room full of new faces, do you feel comfortable, or does your confidence start to wobble? Do you find yourself pretending, shrinking, or overcompensating—or are you able to be open and genuine? There are many ways to understand self‑esteem, but this moment—how you feel when you meet new people—is one of the quickest and most revealing indicators of where you truly stand with yourself.
I’m very comfortable around people today, but that wasn’t always the case. Growing up, I was extremely shy. I wouldn’t even respond when people asked me questions. As I got older, I learned something simple but powerful: it’s normal to be yourself.
My parents played a huge role in shaping that understanding. They taught me what’s right and what’s not—things like never bullying or shaming anyone, never treating people differently, and respecting everyone equally. Those lessons became the foundation of how I carry myself.
When you move through the world with that kind of grounding, people sense it. They respond with respect, and that respect creates a sense of ease in any situation. Over time, that gave me confidence. I stopped worrying about self‑esteem because I knew who I was and what I stood for.
As the years went by, that confidence grew to the point where I felt I could speak to anyone—whether it’s the president, my in‑laws, or a stranger on the street. And somewhere along the way, I realized something else: when you speak the truth, it carries weight. It gives you presence.
In life, so much of what we see is a performance. People often act as if the ones who can get away with the most are somehow the winners. Those who have more—money, status, influence—are treated as if they’re better, and their voices naturally become the loudest. And the world, knowingly or not, tends to follow that noise.
People gravitate toward those who will sit and listen to their bragging, because it makes them feel important. That dynamic creates a false sense of superiority, as if being admired automatically makes someone worthy of admiration.
When you fall for those performances, it’s easy for your self‑esteem to take a hit. But that’s not how your worth is measured at all. People admire you far more than you realize. They notice how organized you are, how you carry yourself, how you look, and—most importantly—how honest you are in any situation.
Remember, many people can’t do what you do because they’re busy protecting an image. Even the colleague who tries to boss you around often does it out of jealousy. In her mind, you have a strength of character she wishes she had. Most reactions from people like that are simply attempts to hide their own insecurities.
So keep being who you are. With time, you’ll see that you’re just as capable, just as worthy, and just as strong as anyone else. Every experience teaches you something. And when you choose honesty, you naturally begin to face the world with more confidence. As the years pass, your self‑esteem rises to new heights.
When a colleague walks in holding a Starbucks cup, suddenly that becomes the standard. Everyone starts following along without even thinking about it. But no one stops to ask, “Is this what I actually like?” They just assume it’s the norm.
Don’t do things simply because everyone else is doing them. Buying the same coffee won’t boost your self‑esteem. Try bringing a cup of coffee you made at home and watch what happens. You might get a few comments or even a laugh, but trust me—they’re thinking the same thing. Before long, the whole office will relax and enjoy their own home‑brewed coffee the way they like it.
Remember, so much of what people do is about image. They think these little performances will somehow make them feel more confident. But real confidence comes from choosing what’s true to you.
When I moved into a gated community, I assumed everyone there was wealthy. Most of my neighbors had lawn services taking care of their yards. I could’ve done the same if I wanted to follow the “Starbucks crowd” mentality. But instead, I chose to do my own lawn and yard work. I enjoyed being outside, and I took pride in the work.
Before long, I noticed something interesting—other people in the neighborhood started doing their own lawns too.
You can take any situation and choose to be a follower. But staying grounded means doing what feels right for you, not what looks impressive. And when you do that, you’ll be surprised by how much respect you earn—whether it’s in your community or at work. This naturally strengthens your self‑esteem and confidence. People appreciate someone like you—someone they can trust, someone they can learn from. When you stay sincere with yourself and honest in how you move through the world, your self‑esteem grows in a real, lasting way.
This is how your self‑esteem and confidence grow naturally. When you stay true to who you are, people notice. They want a friend like you because they know they can trust you, and they know they can learn from you. Being sincere with yourself and honest in how you move through the world is what strengthens your self‑esteem in a real, lasting way.
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